Year-ender

What a year 2014 has been. I got to travel to many places for the first time, lost my job, and, importantly, met someone special. Yup, first boyfriend.

It's pretty amazing. The last time I was in a relationship was in college, about 10 years ago. It's great, so far, but I'm working my way through trust and commitment issues. My insecurities also tend to get in the way of happiness at times. I'm in a pretty good place overall though. I love him. He loves me.

Happy New Year! Here's to finding a job, traveling more, and celebrating love!

literarybulimia@gmail.com

Gains and Losses

Lost my job. Met someone.

Life is fair.

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Yeah

So it turns out they've broken up. I'm relieved, sure, but I have some fears;

1. He'll be in a new relationship soon and not with me.
2. They'll get back together.
3. We'll be together and he'll also cheat on me.

Gawd. So many red flags but I still can't stop myself. So much for turning a year wiser.

"...So I'm looking forward to hanging out with you more."

"Yeah?"

It seems he didn't sense the interrogative tone.

"Do you like that?"

"Yeah."

literarybulimia@gmail.com

28

It's official. I can no longer join the 27 Club.

Seriously though, I'm really thankful. The past year has been pretty awesome; I got to travel a lot, I graduated from grad school, and I met new, interesting friends.

Also, this happened.

It was a good decision to go to Cebu this year instead of Boracay.

As usual, I miss celebrating my birthday with my family. But I can't complain.

Special thanks to my friend Luke for showing me around Cebu!

literarybulimia@gmail.com

Guys You Meet on Grindr (Part 2)

The One You've Already Met Before

I met this one through his friend whom I was constantly talking to at the time. It didn't work out with his friend and I, but I bumped into this guy at the mall a week or so after this exchange of messages. One more time and I'll be convinced it's really the two of us who are meant to be together.

The One Who's Not Interested

Notice the time stamps.

Ah, rejection. Ouch.

literarybulimia@gmail.com

Guys You Meet on Grindr (Part 1)

The One From Way, Way Back

It's funny because this one pretty much just disappeared by the time I was already falling. Good thing he did.

The Grammar Expert Wanna-be

Imagine waking up to this bullshit. He was just so compelled to tell me. Hah!

literarybulimia@gmail.com

The End of An Affair

So I finally said it.

It had to happen.

On somehow related news, here are some brilliant music videos by Sam Smith, who is singing his way to my heart right now.

Is he the gay Adele? I say yes.

literarybulimia@gmail.com

Reminders About Risks

It has been two weeks since I went through yet another horrific ordeal brought about by some risky behavior. Let me just say though that I have been significantly careful since my last test, but I do understand that it still didn't completely eliminate the risks--not that I intend to live a saintly life anytime soon.

I'm grateful and happy about the result but I think it's a continuous battle. I've had the tendency to get really paranoid especially since a friend recently admitted to being positive (it was actually what really pushed me to finally check my status again), but I think you can't be too cautious, can you? Or do you risk missing out? There's a part of me that is convinced I should just totally avoid getting myself in risky situations but another part of me believes that I should live to the fullest and that involves taking risks.

In any case, it's good to always remember that no one is worth the trauma of not just the ailment itself but also the major mind-fuck that comes with getting tested knowing that you didn't protect yourself enough. Going there, Facetime-ing with family who were oblivious about the shit I was going through, while waiting for the result, was not fun at all--one of the most horribly surreal moments in my life.

literarybulimia@gmail.com

Bitching About the Beach

I'm in serious need of a beach trip. This heat is just never good unless it comes with sand and sea!

I've been working remotely for four weeks now because we're in the process of moving to a different office so I've had some time to go on vacation. I did manage to squeeze in a Boracay trip two weeks ago when I went home but my tan is almost gone and I don't want to spend the rest of my time in the city. I have had enough of staying home, watching 'Hair Battle Spectacular' right before indulging in 'Sex and the City' reruns every afternoon while sweating like a pig. I turn on the AC but only once in a while because I'm trying to avoid electric (bill) shock. On Monday, we're back to regular programming at work, which means I only have a few free days left for frolicking in the glory of summer global warming.

So yeah, take me to the beach, will you?

literarybulimia@gmail.com

Revisitations

I'm pretty much done with work so I've been revisiting the past by reading my old entries and boy has it been entertaining. I'm so glad I had most aspects my life chronicled until, of course, last year when I started to neglect this little online diary. So, in an effort to keep this journal alive, here I am, blogging from work.

Out of the subjects I've discussed here, I think it's the flames that I've had that really provided the most interesting material. I also realized blogging about such encounters allowed me to keep tabs of the type and number of guys I've met, which, I have a feeling, will be beneficial in the long run. So allow me to recall some of my attempts to find (or not) "the one" within the past months.

Let's see. There's that young interior designer from late last year with whom I reunited lately. There's John, someone I had hoped to see again - I just didn't expect it last week when I did, at The Fort. It didn't end well. No. Then there's that balikbayan guy from Australia that I met in Boracay. There's K who kicked off this year's dating life for with me. He was nice but not interested enough for another rendezvous, it seems. There's that one who came to my place but didn't even get past the staircase only because I didn't think it was worth it. Then the Valentine's Day guy. Ugh. I kind of regret that. Another bad idea came in the form of the Japanese-inspired one who lives near Rockwell. That wasn't worth it. Then of course, there's that recent reunion with that guy from last year. He's a controversial case. He breaks my heart and melts it at the same time.

That's it for now.

literarybulimia@gmail.com

Freaked Out, Fucked Up

I'm close to a meltdown. Work has been super stressful lately. Between writing and styling, there seems to be nothing going right. Ok, maybe that sounds ungrateful. I need a breather. No, I need to work on that revision and get those pull-outs. Oh, fuck it.

literarybulimia@gmail.com

Quick Hello

Hello, I'm alive. So busy with work lately. I'm on the brink.

By the way, follow me on Instagram, yeah? totallyscottie

literarybulimia@gmail.com

Blogger Be Gone

I don't know about you but Twitter killed the blogger in me. And then there's Instagram. Also, I've been writing for a living so I've pretty much exhausted my vocabulary by the end of the day. I miss blogging but it doesn't seem to be as appealing to me as it used to be. Hopefully, I'd have that eagerness towards yapping about random stuff here once again.

literarybulimia@gmail.com

Best of Boracay

Here's a few snapshots from one of my favorite work assignments as of late.

It was a pretty indulgent trip. It would have been more enjoyable though if I didn't have that really bad diarrhea for the most part of my stay. It was horrible. It was so bad I barely slept one night. Shit was practically walking out of my asshole. But hey, I can't complain. At least it kept me from gaining weight.

Fun times.

literarybulimia@gmail.com

Hickey Horror

Well, I had an interesting weekend.

I hope you had a good one.

literarybulimia@gmail.com

New Guys, Old Ways

I'm afraid I may be slipping back to my old ways. See, I've been very, very, very careful the past year or so to the point of paranoia. But now that I've finished school and have some spare time after work, I find myself getting bored a lot. But more than boredom, I think it's about time I get over the paranoia and carefully get back in the circuit.

I've going back to the gym for past three weeks now, which is great, but it's also partly because I'd like to be more marketable, so to speak. I was looking really unhealthy about two months ago.

Anyway, I'm back in the game. I think. I want to go on dates and hang out but I haven't really met anyone that I want to be seeing regularly. Well, until last week.

The moment I first saw his profile (online, but of course), I knew there was something. I don't know. I just felt good about him. It wasn't until about a week later that we finally met. It was last Friday night. He looks exactly the same in person as he does in pictures--if not better. He's gentle, smart and nice so when he asked me for the second time that night to sleep over, I just couldn't say no. It was, I think, the happiest I've been, in an intimate way, in a seriously long time. It's that kind of intimacy that makes you dream, that gives you foresight. He snored like crazy, rendering me sleepless. Still, I woke that morning, on his shoulder, with a smile on my face, which lasted throughout that day.

Two nights later, I was back in his place. He was sick but it didn't matter. I just really wanted to see him, which pretty much meant I was fucked and not exactly in the way that I prefer. I was falling too fast, too soon. This time, he fell asleep on my shoulder. With his head next to mine, I endured another night of his heavy snoring. I was a zombie at work the following day.

It has been four days since we last saw each other and I'm almost 100% certain now that everything wasn't I was hoping it to be. I mean, if he was looking for something more worthwhile with me, I'd be there, in his arms and not here, pounding on my keyboard.

Ah, it's good/awful to be back.

literarybulimia@gmail.com

Graduation

Hello. I wish I could blog more often but I just have been too occupied lately. Twitter and Instagram are also to blame.

Anyway, I finally graduated yesterday. Yup, I've officially finished my master's degree. It didn't really sink in until I was there in PICC, taking part in the ceremonies. It feels amazing. I didn't cry but I was close.

As if graduating wasn't awesome enough, DLSU also won the UAAP championship game yesterday. I watched it in Chili's, Greenbelt with friends and many other La Sallians and a handful of UST supporters. It was so amazing. We were jumping and hugging each other during the winning moment.

Yesterday was truly one for the books. To God be the glory.

I hope I get to blog again soon. I miss it. In the meantime, I'm basking in the afterglow of victory.

literarybulimia@gmail.com

Yanis Marshall

I've been obsessed with this French choreographer's dance videos. He teaches dance in heels, and my gawd, is he good. I think Yanis Marshall and his crew can give Kazaky a run for their money.

Here are some of my favorites.

Ah-fucking-mazing.

literarybulimia@gmail.com

The Grindr Effect/Defect

Here's a thought-provoking video I found last night that reminded me of my recent vacation.

When you go to Boracay alone, especially if you're in your 20s and single, the expectation of people, and perhaps of yourself, is you'll meet someone, or some people, and go home with juicy stories for all your friends to giggle and laugh about. So when I got back from my recent vacation, it was no surprise that friends anticipated exciting (maybe even R-rated) stories from me. I think more than two people asked me if I had birthday sex. Sadly, I came home empty-handed.

Save for that incident when a guy kissed my ear while saying sorry for stepping on my slippers, my trip was pretty PG. I'm going to be lying if I said I didn't wish I had met someone but I'm also partly to blame. It was my choice to hang with my good, female friend from college for all the three nights I spent there, slimming down my chances of meeting someone. It was also my choice to dance up a storm instead of working my way around the bar and talking to prospects. But above everything else, I think my biggest deficiency or error, was not having Grindr. In fact, I don't even have mobile browsing right now because my Blackberry broke down a few weeks ago.

Apparently, the top gay scenesters have largely shifted to Grindr, which, I think, explains the poor selection left in Planet Romeo. I can personally attest to the latter as the profiles listed under Boracay were truly disappointing. My other friend, however, who was also visiting the island alone and who maintains a Grindr account, was on a roll, meeting multiple guys in one day, thanks to his iPhone. He even hooked up with that doctor I went on a date with earlier this year! He was swiping away half the time we were together, sun-bathing.

And it's not just Grindr anymore, apparently. The shift to mobile apps is further strengthened by newer similar applications such as Jack'd, Hornet and Bender, catering to today's savvy and adventurous gay guys.

I have no access to any of these apps at the moment and now, I can't help but feel like a second-class citizen of the gay world. I wondered what it would have been like had I had such convenience. That's when I realized what a difficult trick I would have been, having too many restrictions and conditions that most guys would probably not agree with. Somehow, I find slight relief in knowing that it never would have worked out.

This makes me long for the old days. By that I mean, the guys4men era with the simple, nondescript interface; a time when computers are left at home and bars are for dancing and for people who come up to each other without the help of any app.

So I didn't return with a hot, raunchy tale about how I met someone and did things I wouldn't want my family to know about but I can't say I didn't have a blast. Boracay just never disappoints. Besides, you don't need to be on vacation in a beautiful tropical island for those hanky panky stories, do you?

literarybulimia@gmail.com

27

So I am definitely not getting any younger. I am approaching my late twenties and long-gone are the days when I would give a fake, older age when talking to someone online.

I just got back in my room from another night of drinking and dancing. Didn't really meet anyone, which is sad. Then again, I have too many hang-ups right now, anyway, and I've been totally paranoid. Thus, I've totally dismissed the notion of going back to the clubs alone in the hopes of snagging a worthwhile trick. It's four fucking thirty.

I've spent my recent birthdays away from my family so I can't help but feel homesick. As much as I'd love to extend, maybe it's a good thing I'm leaving the island in less than 12 hours.

Here's to 27!

literarybulimia@gmail.com