Retail Therapy of a Bipolar Shopper

The weather was lovely today, well at least during the entire morning. It was rainy and very windy. It would've been perfect without the rain. Everything was ruined though when the sun came out this afternoon just before I stepped out.

I went to the mall without any concrete purpose but to kill time and browse around just like the usual date I have with myself. I checked out Topman to see if they still have the hat I've been eying on and hoped it was part of their end of season sale. The good news is it was still there. The bad news is it's not on sale even though it's a straw Panama hat which screams summer. Hello?! It's a summer apparel and the Philippines is very well into the wet season. End of season sale! Ugh. I had mental bouts whether I'll finally buy it (plus a shirt) and spend the rest of the week on a very, very tight budget. Logic got the better of me.

Since I wasn't spending the money on anything else (or so I thought), I decided to treat myself to a drink at The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. I wasted this morning's 1-hour workout on a regular-sized Ultimate Mocha Mud Slide while introducing myself to Haruki Murakami's The Elephant Vanishes.

This shirt looks nice but it requires major sucking in. It's something I cannot wear to a buffet dinner.

I went for a stroll around after that and found myself liking a shirt in this shop called 101 New York. I really liked it and I thought it was a steal at roughly P700; two shirts (which can be worn together or otherwise) for the price of one. So I tried it on (the Large-sized one! I've never been a Large!). It's one of those things that's just not meant to be since the damn thing was too damn tight AND it was the largest size they have. Jeezus. It's not the kid's line is it? Ugh. Too bad. I really liked the design and the fabric. I'm just not sure about the construction though.

That's a small tear right there.

It's funny how I managed to brainwash myself that the only money I'd spend was for the drink and for fare but I almost bought a shirt which was never on the plan in the first place. It must have been all the hip and almost chica people that I saw here and there that got me in the mood. In fact, I was so "inspired" that I actually raided the ATM to buy the Topman hat and lost all logical sense whatsoever like any typical bipolar retail moment.

The sudden change of heart doesn't end there though. On my way to the store, the wares at Aldo caught my eyes so I just had to check out this joint. Fine. I lied. It was actually the cute sales clerk that had me tracing my steps back and drew me into the store. I pretended to be interested with the seemingly so-so men's selection until I spotted this pair of sunnies with the tortoise shell frame. I tried it on and just when the cutie approached me, I made a decision to ditch the hat (for now)-- another impulsive shopping moment with a little flirting on the side. Not only are the glasses more than decent looking, they're reasonably priced as well.

Nice? Yes? No?

Needless to say, I bought the freakin' glasses. While in the middle of the purchase, the chinky-eyed clerk asked if I have a loyalty card. I said no and naturally, he asked if I'd like to get one. I didn't show much interest since I don't really shop at Aldo and the establishments it is affiliated with like Bench, Fox, Belo, Human, Celio, etc. When I was handed my item however, as undignified as it sounds, I caved in if only to spend more time talking to this friendly cutie. I also thought it's a great chance to leave my number so yeah, I'm desperate. Hahahah... It was kind of fun. The P100 fee for the card gave me a few more minutes to interact with this guy and he addressed me by my first name when I was about to leave. Jeezus. Yes, I'M disgusted with myself too. LOL

I may have some sort of disorder but that's not an excuse to look horrible.

By the way, I later realized he's not just your regular sales boy. I think he's the store manager/supervisor since he was very well dressed and he was giving orders to the other bitches around.

After a brief brush with my future ex and my hopefully worthwhile unnecessary buy, I went to the comfort room to be slapped by reality.

Do I honestly think, all this flirting/playing around is going to give me what I want? With this skin, do I actually think this guy's going to miraculously text/call me? I need to work out a lot more.

My insecurities, which would shame the Chinese population, were about to stream in when I was able to get a hold of myself just in time and shifted my thoughts to the cash incentive I'll be getting from work.

I cannot wait until next pay day! I wonder if that Topman hat is ever going to be on sale. Should I just buy it anyway? Should I still consider buying that other pair of sunnies from Zara? They looked gorgeous on me and I looked gorgeous in them. These assholes need to wake up and smell the semen (on their hair) and realize I'm a good catch.

I went home feeling pleased with myself.

The 3 Cs

Can you believe it's August? Just one more month and we'll be well into the 'ber' months. Not only that, exactly one month from now, I will be turning 22! Jeezus. I'll save my age rant until then though.

For now, let's talk about what's here and what's new. And what a better way to kick off the month than with a new haircut? Fine, not exactly new since I've had this style a couple of times already but whatever.

In honor of August and my new hair, I give you my first narcissistic pictionary in a long, long time.

Commercial

Catalogue

Couture

Do you think Bennie Ninja would be proud? Do you think Tyra would be handing me my picture? Hahahah... I'm having ANTM Cycle 10 withdrawals.

Please cut me some slack. I took those photos right when I got home from an eleven-hour shift at work so I look used. Oh who am I kidding, I look like that all the time. One thing's for sure though, right is definitely NOT my angle--something I've discovered years ago since I started cam whoring.

Oh Shit I Did It Again

I have a problem. I acknowledge that. How am I suppose to get into a serious relationship if I keep involving myself in fleeting worldly exploits?

I know, I know. My last post is exactly about the same thing. Self control is something I don't have most of the time obviously.

Ugh.

This is why I should never be bored.

In a dressing room? That's a first for me.

P.S.
Probably the best part about this rendezvous though is I was able to see THE Imelda fucking Marcos at the hotel's lounge. Yup, I saw her in the flesh. Amazing.

Shame

It has been almost a month and I've been a bitch in heat. I never learned my lesson so I wasted no time and WhaBamGoodbyeSam!

There goes another meaningless ... I don't even know what to call it.

*Sigh*

This kind of thing used to perk me up and put me in a good mood but apparently this formula is no longer working.

July isn't a blank month after all. But I somehow wish I should' have passed.

Nasty Cabbies and Slight Shopping

Time is indeed the ultimate luxury. And what better way to spend it than to literally spend some hard-earned money, right? Fine, not really but today, since I was free the entire afternoon, I went to the mall (Mall of Asia) to do a little shopping.

First, I need to vent.

I hate, no, I loathe opportunistic, ill-mannered cab drivers. I understand the economy is sinking and life is rough but there's no need to be an asshole about it. I know fuel costs are skyrocketing and rice, or rather everything, is more expensive than ever. I know all that. I live in this country too.

Unfortunately, we happen to share the same president and the same economy. So don't don't tell me that you have to charge an extra P10 because fuel cost is as at an all-time high. I'm fully aware of that dammit. It's not even the money that's the issue but the way you ask for it. Your attitude is as nasty as the stench of cigarette encapsulated within your vehicle. If you'd like a tip, at least be polite enough when asking for it. Otherwise, just forget it and take what ever the amount is indicated on the goddamn meter (until of course the most-awaited automatic P10 addition regulation takes effect which I know for a fact is still 3 days away).

Don't let my pathetically ambitious and frivolous lifestyle fool you. I happen to think taking cabs instead of the bus, LRT/MRT, or jeepneys is a luxury. Just like you, I also pay ridiculous amounts for taxes that seem to go nowhere but to the bank accounts of our lovely politicians. This crisis is affecting all of us here so don't use it as a reason to take advantage of another person who also works his ass off just to get whatever shit is in these shopping bags. That's all.

Alright, now that it's all out of my system, let's move on shall we?

The number one thing I needed was a basic brown belt--something versatile and durable for daily wear and also great style-wise. I found this at Topman and I think it fits the bill. It's basic, it seems durable and it's not that expensive for a leather belt.

Then I got these shorts for swimming. I know, summer is over but this is not some regular piece of swim wear. Board shorts are fine but this is a great alternative for times when you want to be more adventurous. They're short enough to expose my gams and long enough to cover my balls. Perfect!

I intended to buy a shirt but nothing was really worth it so I bought a book instead. April Timbol Yap first came up with The Incredible Lightness of Being Burgis, which I like so much, and now here's Stressed in the City-- an ideal read for some light and fun literary fix.

Before going home, I had coffee and a forgettable carrot cake at Figaro and bought a roasted chicken for me and my sister. The chicken is still untouched at the table and which is why I have to go. I'm starvation central like a Somalian kid.

Four Years of Friendster

Bored? Here's an idea; check out your Friendster comments (formerly called testimonials) and start from the very first. I just did, and man did I have a grand time revisiting the past. It's entertaining, funny, touching and embarrassing.

It amazes me how these seemingly banal accounts of my personality can bring back so much memories. It's actually very awkward but quite humbling as well.

This is why I don't like how people confuse the comments function with private messaging. And don't even get me started about those meaningless graphics or pictures. I personally prefer personalized messages. I'm not a fan of having so many widgets or applications either which is the same reason I hate Facebook. I rarely check my account there because of the confusing applications and growing gifts, and hugs and shit. Ugh. It's too complicated. techno-phobe much? Let's keep it simple people.

Anyway, based on the testimonials people say about me, a lot of them agree that I am good with clothes, I love the beach, I like to take pictures--mostly of myself, I can write and I am actually warm and fun despite the stiff exterior. Not bad huh? Although, I think the comments have evolved over the four years. I'm not sure if it's for the better but what's important is the same people who were there four years ago, are still around (for me) to this very day.

P.S.
Our laptop is fixed. Thanks to my sister, who by the way, gave me my very first testimonial here. God bless her heart. Whew.

Random Rants

Haywire

I’m doomed. This is the end of an era. After 7 years of use and abuse, I think our old school, clunky laptop has given up on me and my sister. I have no idea how I’m going to live with this.

I want to get a new one but I’m totally out of cash. Besides, I should be saving up for something. It doesn’t help either that Citibank disapproved my credit card application. Ugh. HSBC, you’re my only hope.

Pump It!

How the hell do I lose weight pronto? Or at least just lose my gut. Jeezus, it’s so hard to lose weight and tone my body. Seriously, I have been working out lately, and while I can see some improvement, I can’t seem to get rid of my disgusting tummy.

Yes, no matter how tedious, I’ve been hitting the gym lately whenever I have free time. So far, I have endured the smell of sweat mixed with glass cleaner/shiner and almost vomited on one occasion. I’ve also had short conversations with 2 grown foreign men who obviously have been working out a lot.

I honestly, don’t like going to the gym. It’s like studying; something you have to do but don’t necessarily enjoy. It’s too boring. My brother used to work out every single day. I also have a cousin who misses school because of minor reasons (i.e. headaches, oversleeping) but doesn’t have any problem spending 3 hours at the gym every single day, rain or shine. Now that’s dedication. I can barely last an hour.

Meet-up #5640254

I met up with Mr. Lawyer the other day. It was fun. We just had coffee at Kopi Roti. He’s cute, very intelligent and well-travelled. I was actually a little intimidated. But I think I was decent enough since he sent me a text message right after we parted. “I’m sorry I had to run. Do I get to see you again?”

RIP: Chikatime

Yun lang pow?!

What?! Oh my god. I don’t believe this. Chikatime is officially gone? That’s it? It hasn’t even been half a year yet.

The more scandalous real-life, Filipino version of Gossip Girl authored by a couple of girls and a gay guy has been missing for a couple of days. It has been an invitation-only website lately until today when they posted a farewell entry and even apologizing to those they have offended. The blog has been notorious among the high-brow society figures and the fashion set of Manila because of the juicy contents exposing the alleged skeletons of everyone from fashion designers to famed social butterflies. For three deliciously controversial months, no one was spared as each blog entry exposed Manila society’s dirt in full vulgarity.

I wonder which powers that be is behind this. Is that Tim Yap I hear laughing his ass off?

Despite the occasional distasteful bashing and the unnecessary hate towards Bryanboy, I have to admit I was hooked. Boy did we indulge on that one didn’t we? The dirt was good. I bet even the “featured” celebrities enjoyed it themselves. Or not.

Great. Where do we get our daily dose of local society gossip now? I’m having withdrawals already.

Update: Apparently, it's Jenni Epperson that had the website shut down. Ooh...

Lip Balm Review

Six months ago, I started taking Isotretinoin for my skin. It's very effective and I swear by it. It works by reducing the sweat glands which leads to severe skin drying as a side effect. The worst happens in the lips though.

While my skin gets better, my lips get extremely chapped to the point of bleeding. I am not kidding. Seriously, it's like Sahara desert dry and I have witnesses to prove that.

This is when I realized the importance of lip balms. These things are a godsend. Over the past 6 months I've tried four brands of these pucker lubes and here's a rundown of my hunt.


Burt's Bees Beeswax Lip Balm (Beauty Bar)- My first one is quite a splurge I suppose. At P250 a pop, this may be a little pricey for some. It's an 8.5 G little canister though as oppose to the usual 4.2 G sticks.

I like the minty smell and feel it leaves on the lips and it's also not very greasy. It doesn't stay that very long so you might want to re-apply from time to time. It comes in sticks too but I like this kind better as it is easier to carry around and also very durable.

The Body Shop Lip Care SPF 15 (The Body Shop) - Probably the only good thing about this one is the strong smell of vanilla. I got mine on sale at P199 but it originally goes for a hundred pesos more which is pretty steep for only 4.2 grams of balm thatleaves white residues on the corner of the lips. I'm not crazy about the container either. The knob, or whatever that thing you twist to let the contents out got broken way before I finish the entire stick so I had to use of my finger nails to scoop it out since then. As you can see, the print wears off easily too which makes it look like you just found it in the middle of the street or something.

Avalon Organics Soothing Lip Balm (Healthy Options) - I "discovered" this during a trip to Pampanga when I badly, badly needed to moisturize as my lips were literally bleeding with dryness.

This one is a steal at only P99, and not only that, it goes in a 7 G stick. The smell is a rich citrus scent which is great. It also does taste very orange-y but in a more subtle way and that's fine because it's not meant for eating anyway--great for kissing though.

The problem I have with this one is the consistency and the texture. It tends to be a little too greasy/shiny. I also had the same problem with the twister thing at the bottom of the container but I still love this one because I'd put it on before I sleep and I'd wake up with soft, supple lips. No really.

Thee Savannah Bee Mint Julep (Beauty Bar) - The minty 4.2 G stick sells for P199. I like the packaging but the content is quite forgettable. It's minty and it leaves the same white residue on the lips. Same thing happened to the rotating thing at the bottom.

The verdict?

I'm back to Burt's Bees because I love the soothing minty feel it leaves on the lips. Although I may have to re-apply every other minute or so, it's fine because the container looks nice and it easily fits inside the smallest pockets. I'd buy the one from Healthy Options again but I probably won't bring it around too much since it's just too bulky.

There you go. So pucker up STAT! Pout it and pout it good.

Is my life exciting or what? I think I'll sleep now.

Random Rants

Disappointment #9891238

I am upset because I really had a good time last Friday and I thought I'll experience that again last night. But no. You vanished. You didn't even have the decency to cancel. "Huh" says it all I guess. I should have been more discerning. Fuck. Enjoy Paris.

Moving on.

The Holiday


It's on HBO and I'm currently watching this for the second time only. This is one romantic movie I really like. It's a film that totally makes sense. It touches each complication of romance with such accuracy. I love how I can actually relate to each character; the vulnerability of Iris, the impulsiveness and confusion of Amanda, the sensitivity of Graham and silliness and charm of Miles. The writers truly know what they're dealing with. Kate Winslet, Cameron Diaz, Jude Law and Jack Black are perfect. The musical scoring is also commendable. The Christmas songs in particular pinch me so sweetly.

Watch it, or watch it again. It's funny, romantic, sweet and entertaining.

Work Worries

It's July and I haven't got a new job yet. It sucks. Is there something wrong with job-hunting online? Isn't that the only way to go? I mean, it's 2008.

I cannot wait to have a vacay. Gawd. I need it so badly.

TGIF

It's 2:30 AM and I just got from, uhm... a rendezvous. I've been up since early this (or yesterday) morning and needless to say, I had a full day. Woohoo!

Gym-check. Groceries-check. Fun dinner with cousins and Aunts-check. Diarrhea-check.

I've said this before but let me say it again; It's my rest day and rest is the last thing I'm getting. I mean, it was 12 AM and it's amazing how I still had the energy to go and hang out somewhere. It's all good though. I had a grand time today. Too bad I had to turn down my Aunt's invitation to visit Baguio tomorrow. :( Yup, all because of work. And to think I don't even like my job! Ugh.

Anyway, my muscles are aching and my eyes burn. That's it for now. Good night.

One Fine Day

While sitting comfortably within the security of the office, I read the latest weather report about typhoon Frank (international name Fengshen) thinking it doesn't matter as much to me since I can always take a cab. Right.After waiting a lifetime, I decided to share the cab with an officemate. Little did we know, the driver was another asshole. No surprise, these cab drivers are very consistent. The bastard refused to bring me to my place and decided to drop me off at my officemate's area. We argued for a while because I wasn't giving up without a fight. I swear to god I thought he was going to punch me. There was one moment when we looked each other in the eyes like we were about to turn into werewolves and tear each other apart. Major asshole.So, I was left there somewhere along Buendia/Gil Puyat, wet and a little hungry, uncertain how I'd get home. Manong pedicab driver came to the rescue and suggested I wait some other area where cabs pass a little more often. So I took his P30 advice and we braved the rain and flood.
After 10 minutes or so waiting for a cab, I gave up and took the jeepney. At this point I was soaked and really hungry. One FX ride and another pedicab later, I made it to my place in one piece. There was no electricity.

Just Another Friday

Today was interesting. I accomplished a lot a of errands. It's funny how 99% of the things I planned actually materialized even without having to note everything in my phone.

I paid the bills, prayed a little, went grocery shopping and bought a bunch of things for the household. I even bought a clothes iron!

That was only half of the day. The other half I spent with buddies H and Ellese. It's my first time to go to Trinoma and I love it. Those Ayalas really know how to make a good mall.

While at the award-winning supermarket, I saw someone I slept with months ago. He looked better. He clearly recognized me as he was also staring at me when we walked past each other. We exchanged text messages after that. It was a little awkward. What do you do when you see some guy whose last name you don't even know but had sex with before?

Anyway, I really hope my credit card application gets approved already. I am dying to max it out.

Could this post be more boring? Whatev. I'm so tired from all the walking.

I miss home.

I think I just got severely depressed again. Gawd, I hate being poor. Fine, I hate not being rich enough.

I am currently sharing a 2-bedroom condo unit with my sister. The place is owned by a relative and we’re renting the place. To lessen our expenses, we’re getting a new housemate much to my skepticism. I’m very territorial.

You see, I’ve had my own share of unfortunate experiences with housemates in the last year and I do not wish for more. In fact, one of them still owes me a couple of thousand pesos—pay up asshole! I also very much value my privacy and personal space. If I can have it my way, I would really prefer to have the entire place to my sister and myself and not have to deal with the inconveniences of living with strangers. However, sister dearest is not earning so much yet since she’s still on training and I on the other hand, well, I’m not exactly raking in the cashola. I pay for the bills, the cleaning lady and half of the rent, while my parents cover the other half which is not an ideal setting.

My mom and I occasionally talk about our dream houses and other thoughts of real estate grandeur. The other night, we were on it again. She even told me to look around for nice and reasonably priced condominium units as she has cut out a few ads from the dailies. I thought this was very funny especially since she would end the conversation saying, “If only I’d win the lottery.” Hahahah…

I did look around—online and through some print ads I myself kept. I am such a sucker for things to spend money on. Like most people however, the things I intend to buy easily out-value the money I actually have.

I applied for a credit card the other day, so there’s a great chance I’ll be six feet under burning in credit hell by the time I get my first billing statement. Hello, I went straight to the mall right after I passed my application and created a mental list of things to buy, so go figure.

Anyway, jeez, property is so expensivo and I certainly know why.

This housemate better not be a bitch. Otherwise, she can kiss the ground 3 seconds after I push her ass off the 26^th floor.

Mr. Quickie

I think I just had the quickest quickie. It gives the cliche "everything happened so fast" a new meaning. Seriously, I think he left skid marks on my dick. And he couldn't have jumped out of the bed any faster than 3 seconds after blowing his jizzle manizzle.

Yes. I gave in to it again. I failed! I failed! The whore in me prevailed. (Hey that rhymes!)

Although he let me know that he doesn't have much time and needs to be somewhere else, I got a bit surprised at how he acted. On his way out, he even asked me if I've watched the Sex and the City movie. I said yes and he was like, "Narnia?" while opening the door.

"No," I responded.

Then he told me we can watch it on Friday. By this point, he was walking halfway out the door and I don't think he even heard me say text me. WTF?!

It's like he's on some sort of game show where he needs to finish an obstacle course and the final challenge is to sleep with me, after which utter the magic words "let's watch a movie Friday night" in the fastest way humanly possible. Think 'The Amazing Race XXX Edition.'

Is this how busy people have become? Gawd.

Am I being punk'd?

The Hunt

"Ano trip mo?"

In a time when communication is at its peak and a hook-up (however you want to interpret that) is just a few clicks away, how can anyone, sitting in the middle of the city, among millions of its dwellers, feel so alone? Is it because each one of us is so available and reachable that we tend to undermine the presence of who we currently have in our bed thinking that the next guy is a better catch? Are we relying too much on the possibility, that there's always someone better on the loose?

I am slightly torn between the meaning of sex. A part of me feels that it is merely a release, a form of escapism, and nothing but a deed to fulfill worldly needs with no emotional attachment whatsoever. On the other hand, I feel like sex demands passion, intimacy and chemistry, not necessarily love, but perhaps different levels of infatuation or a temporary liking towards each other. Libido and love - how very confusing.

"Got face pics/cam?"

I don't really watch the bachelor but I chance upon it once in a while. The season finale of the one where the Texan bachelor (Brad?) didn't choose any of the ladies, was on the tube minutes ago. I have to admit that I felt delighted in the fact that these ladies were turned down by a guy whom they claim they have fallen in love for on national TV. It makes it more real and believable. I think it is very brave of the guy to do such a difficult endeavor. Then it dawned on me. If these straight people who are clearly more socially acceptable (or at least on TV) and are less intriguing had to be in a reality show just to find love and soon fail, then what happens to the gay ones? How many people do we have to sleep with to finally find the one?

"Top or bottom?"

Love is clearly elusive. I mean, we had to make reality shows just to cater to all these people desperate enough to hunt for it in front of the whole world. And how about this? I'm not even sure why I'm talking about this right now. Just a couple of years ago I was determined to be single for life and sleep with half of the people I meet. But no, he had to come along.

"Do you have a place?"

He was in perfect timing, and his words were right on. I was young and vulnerable. The distance was a challenge but it didn't stop us. It went on for a year and half. Some people may think it's pathetic but my phone has never been so precious. When you talk to someone for that long each day of your life, shared parts of yourselves no one else has ever known, and all this suddenly stops, what do you do? No more hours of talking on the phone, no more non-stop messaging, no more exchanging of gifts.

"Wanna meet up now?"

But it's been a long time. I miss him but not in the way I used to long for him.

I'm no gigolo but god knows I'm no angel either. I've slept around; in risky public places and in the privacy of hotel rooms. I don't regret anything. I love the fact that I was brave enough to come out and get to know this side of myself. But as I have expressed a million times before, I think I'm ready to once again fall, be foolish and love every minute of it.

As a cheesy text message goes "I have longed to be free and fly, but deep inside, I long to be held and be captive in the arms of the one I love." Err, something like that.

"I'll be there in 3o minutes."

Carnal satisfaction is beautiful, but how many meaningless sex and unrequited affection should I encounter until I find someone who will not be just another orgasm, who will bother to stay and have an actual conversation? Am I sleeping my way to love? Or maybe away from it?

National Bureau of Idiots

I hate, no, I despise government offices. Seriously, Madam Prezzy are you fucking reading this?

I went to the National Bureau of Investigation office this morning straight from a graveyard shift to get my cousin's clearance form whatever. She's in Dubai so I'm doing her a favor. That was my third trip there. After 2 failed attempts because of 1.) smudgy thumb marks, and 2.) lack of consul's seal, I was finally able to process the damn paper.

On my second trip to this part of hell, I thought I should be early to avoid the crowd. I arrived there about a quarter before 8 only to find this long line of people who obviously arrived earlier than I did. The counters didn't open until almost 9. Awesome.

I must love my cousin very much because I managed to brave Quiapo in the middle of the day amidst the heavy transportation and people traffic not minding the possibility of getting mugged.

You see, the NBI office is not exactly nestled in a metropolitan paradise. The place itself doesn't look like a decent government office. It's a 3-level space with what seems to be an indoor basketball court as a lobby/waiting area. It's definitely too small for the crowd that mobs this place everyday. The ventilation is also very poor. I wonder where the P20 (per visit) maintenance fee goes.

Dont't even get me started with the people there. What is up with these grouchy government employees? Jeezes, these bitches need to fucking cool down.

There's this old lady bitch in the 6th floor whose job is to check the application form and make sure each detail is accurate; she's the same person who disapproved the first 2 applications and I think she gave me a trauma. She's not very nice. She also misspelled my name even after I gave her my ID.

And then there's this cleavage-showing cougar assigned in Step 3 who fucking barked at me in front of so many people when I didn't get what she was saying. That was so embarrassing. I wish she had instructed me in a nicer manner. I wanted to smack her in the face. If only I didn't need anything from her.

Mga Gagah!

I'm so glad I'm finally accomplishing this errand. Just one more trip tomorrow and hopefully I'll be getting out of that place with cousin's clearance in tow.

Carried Away

So I went to see the Sex and the City movie last night with me, myself and moi, out all alone on a Friday night, lost amidst a crowd of both high-brow and middle class scenesters all of whom in the company of colleagues, friends and family.

Don't get me wrong, I love people watching, especially in a place like Greenbelt. To quote this girl who passed in front of me "Andaming sosyal!" Hahahah...

But enough about me. I had goosebumps when the movie started. I couldn't believe it's actually happening.

"The day has come. It's actually here," I thought. It really is amazing.

I know there had been negative reviews about the movie. I have to admit that there were some parts when I thought the plot stayed stagnant. Some scenes were also a little predictable. But who cares? It's SATC. I think fans, such as myself, are very lucky that this project even materialized.

For months, I have been avoiding spoilers in all the gossip sights I frequent and I'm glad I did. It's no Oscar material (and I don't think the producers were aiming for that either) but it's undeniable that the film is pretty damn entertaining, fun and exciting which are what a decent movie should be.

It was really an experience. I thought it would be perfect to watch it with friends but watching it alone wasn't so bad after all. Seriously, I smiled and laughed heartily not only because there was something funny but because of the fact that I'm finally seeing Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte on the big screen.

Ultimately, I love the film because it is a celebration of a TV series that embodied the essence of friends, freedom, sex and love. Something that had inspired the avid followers of this HBO production.

I don't know about you but I think Sex and the City is truly legendary. It was definitely the end of an era when the series concluded but the memory, values and fashion will remain forever.

P.S.
I hate my bladder. I missed about 5 minutes of the movie when I had to go the men's room. There comes a point when you just can't hold it in anymore you know.

I know he will never get to read this but I want to give a shout-out to my friend Harry who was kind enough to send me a complete DVD collection of SATC about 2 years ago when I was still in college. Yes it's pirated but whatever.

Sex, The City and Me

Greetings from Greenbelt Makati!

Remember how much I want to see the Sex and the City movie and attend some sort of special premiere event or something? Well, there was a special screening 2 nights ago and I missed it because I had work. Ugh.

Since I'm incredibly free tonight and since I'll be out of town tomorrow, I figured I should take advantage of the time I have. Sadly though, I seem to be the only one available tonight. Nobody, not even the names on the bottom of my list is freakin' free. WTF?! That or they just really don't want to go with me. Either way, "fuck them" I thought. So here I am. Out and all alone on a Friday night . Social suicide much?

I got here a little over 10 PM. I wanted to catch the 10:50 PM screening but it's all sold out. I'm not surprised. I got the last full show ticket for 12 AM so I have almost 2 hours to kill. I think I've had enough people (and outfit) watching so I decided to wait in this Internet lounge.

This movie better not suck.

Sleeplessness

Yesterday, I got to thinking about the last time I cried. As far as I can remember, I think that was this December or November because of family troubles. My parents had this huge disagreement and I couldn't do anything about it but cry over the phone while talking to each of them since we were miles apart.

I figured it's been a while since I've actually snapped like that. Regretfully, I felt the need to cry like crazy yesterday because of issues I've been having with work, my life and myself. The fact that my mind was racing when I was supposed to be sleeping certainly made everything worse.

I am not happy with work. I don't think my life is going towards the direction I am aiming for. I feel like I'm not achieving enough. I also happen to think that all these result to me being vulnerable and impatient romance-wise. I'm not sure but in a way, I'm thinking being in a romantic relationship would make everything better, which can be considered a classic case of escapism.

I have no idea where to go from here. I feel like I should change but I'm not sure about it either. It's truly very confusing and undoubtedly very difficult to deal with. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being sick of it. I don't even know how to express my situation in words. It's far too complicated.

How do I pick up the pieces and move on? Until when can I keep a straight, if not smiling, face and conceal everything? I have expressed these feelings with friends but I'd always end the paragraph with a joke so they won't have to carry my own baggage of negative emotions.

*Sigh*

I really am very tired. I need to get away so badly. I need to be in touch with myself again and the person I really want to become. Some soul-searching perhaps?

Anyway, I didn't shed a single tear. But I did end up tossing and turning in bed for a good 2 hours until I finally drifted away.

Another One-Man Date

Gym - Check
Bank - Check
Church - Check (Okay, not really church. it's in a mall but it's still a place of worship.)
Haircut- Check

Today was productive. After weeks of procrastination, I finally got my ass back to the gym. I'm not a really a big fan of working out but it's something I have to do to blow off some steam and to healthy. I's personally prefer dance as a form of exercise but that's something I cannot commit to as of the moment so I might as well make use of the free gym here.Like the usual, I took my new flip-flops for a spin and went around this side of the town all alone. Yup, another date with myself. Kind of pathetic but I relieve myself by likening it to that Sex and The City episode where Carrie assumes that she's dating the city every time she goes out alone. Hahahah... I guess that makes Manila my date then.

Nothing really spectacular about today but I'm so glad I got an extra day off from work yesterday. After over a year in the company, one of my Paid Time Off applications finally got approved. It's just one day I know but believe me, in our company, this is reason enough to celebrate.

Anyway, I don't have a good picture of myself with my much shorter hair yet. I am yet to decide whether I like it or not. Oh well, let's see.

Shopping: In Sickness or In Health

Gloomy Friday

Greetings from the office I badly want to get out of.

Still sick here. Can you believe this weather? Ugh. I’m all for winds and clouds but a typhoon is way too much. The perfect weather for me is 30% sunlight, 70% clouds with mild to strong winds and zero rain, drizzling, moisture whatsoever. This is the perfect opportunity to wear jackets, scarves, hats, sunglasses and what-have-you altogether.

Speaking of the weather, it might be the reason why I still have this flu. It sucks because I had my rest days Thursday and Friday and yet rest is the last thing I had.

Right after my shift Thursday morning, my cousin and I went to Divisoria. It was fun but very exhausting. I would have bought tons of stuff if I were a girl but shopping for guy clothes at Divi is a lot harder since there’s not much variety. Anyhow, I settled for 2 mid-length shorts, one of which some fashyon people call smart shorts and I love them. The fit and length are perfect. These are the ones with no side pockets which make them look less casual and more chic if I may say so. Got it for P600 which I know is a little pricey for a Divi buy but it is way more affordable than the ones in malls. The other one is the more, I would say passé checked cargo short pants which I got for P330. I think it’s a steal.

Friday, I spent half of the day dragging myself around the condo. I was still feeling terrible then and our busted TV made it worse. Thank god for DSL and our crappy laptop which kept me pre-occupied until I realized being idle will not make me feel better and will just rather let me entertain bullcrap which seems to be a staple in my daily thoughts.

So I took a bath and arranged to meet up with a good friend at Mall of Asia at 4 PM. I wore the smart shorts I got from Divi which proved to be indeed a smart choice especially paired with my ancient Havaianas Top since it was raining.

MOA here I come. This portion is brought to you by Chocquik.

Anywayyyy, it was already 4:30 when I got there and I haven’t even had lunch by then so I went to Sbarro for some big ass pizza and pasta. I like this place a lot because of the simplicity of the food, the big servings and the unpretentious ambiance.

My friend arrived a little over 5 and bitch brought company! I couldn’t stand it. She brought her boyfriend with her and another female friend. WTF?! I have trouble mingling with new acquaintances you see and I was not in the mood to put my best foot forward and pacify the shit I usually say to my good friends. Gawd. I think I’m a generally nice person really but it’s just not very obvious most of the time.

It’s a good thing my friend managed to get his boytoy and her friend to wander around separately so we could comfortably talk about unrated stuff and share private jokes. I initially wanted to get a haircut but I got too tired for that. I finally bought a much needed new pair of flip-flops and a lip balm though so yay to that. I guess it was a pretty productive trip to the mall huh since I also did a little grocery shopping to cap it off.

I didn’t feel any better physically by the time I got home but a slight retail therapy does wonders to the heart and mind. There goes half of the rent.

P.S.

MedRep guy is still MIA. I never liked deleting numbers from my phone but I might need to do that soon. Oh well.

Update: Breaking News: Not even 30 minutes after posting this, MedRep Guy sent a message. 'Mornin!' he said.

:)

What the hell is that? It's not even a proper greeting. Whatever.

Sniff Sniff

I'm sick in more ways than one.

This runny nose with a free-flowing uhm... juice is definitely not making things better at work. I feel a little feverish right now and I sense an impending sore throat. Ugh. I hate being sick.

Anyway, I met up with MedRep guy the other day --although he says he's more of a Medical Specialist now since he's a notch higher than the regular representatives, whatev. I invited him over and we talked for a while. It was quite strange. It's the first time we've seen each other and we've only known of each other's existence for less than a week then, and now he's sitting in our living room talking about work, family and his educational background while sipping on his frapp. It's definitely refreshing and nice, unless of course he was lying all the fucking time but I highly doubt it.

He was very polite and seemingly honest although a little too serious. He was shaking and uneasy so I asked him, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he responded and asked if I had a ciggie around. I was a little disappointed at this point. A smoker?! Ugh.

This is how, the rest of the conversation wen:

"You're shaking, are you sure you're okay? Do you really NEED to smoke right now? Are you like, craving for it?"

"Yes, can we go down and get a pack?"

"Are you sure that's the only reason why you're shaking?"

*Mentally smirking*

"I'm also a little anxious"

Hahahahah...

"Are you a chain smoker?"

"No. But I haven't smoked in a day and a half."

"Doesn't that make you a chain smoker already since you smoke everyday?"

"No, a chain smoker gets to another stick even before finishing the previous one. I'm not like that."

I still can't decide which one is worse, the chain smoker or his kind who finishes every bit of the cancer sticks. And by the way, he also told me he burns ten sticks a day. WTF?! Those lips had me fooled.

After convincing me to go with him buy a pack of his nicotine fix at the ground floor and after he finished a stick of Marlboro Lights, which was followed by mint gum that I demanded, we went on to do something else. The thing is, we still talked about a lot of stuff after that. Usually, it's like wham, bam, goodbye sam! End of story. Bye. Period. But not this one.

He took a bath, while I cleaned up the crime scene. Then I ate pan de sal with peanut butter in my torn t-shirt and shorts while he's at the dining table telling me how tamad I am which apparently gave him a headache since he asked for a Biogesic. We talked about random topics from work to independent living and stuff. Very sweet setting if you ask me until reality sets in.

He had to leave a couple of minutes after that since he had work and his day was just about to start. I, on the other hand, was itching for a shower and go to bed. I went with him to the parking area as he had requested and got back to my place when he drove off.

That was 2 days ago. The next thing I heard from him is "mornin" and that's after I sent my own morning greeting. How cold right? This was yesterday.

Am I expecting too much again? I'm surely not anticipating marriage but a second rendezvous would be good. Maybe dinner?

Ugh.

I dunno anymore. I sound so foolish, I know.

Next Attraction: A Cosmopolitan Please!

OMFG! I cannot wait! Now this movie better not suck! I can hardly deal with the fact the Fergie totally murdered the original instrumental intro of the series which is sprinkled on the movie’s theme song Labels or Love; so the big screen version better at least live up to the wildly phenomenal TV candy that SATC was! I’m pretty sure there would be some sort of special screening, premiere brouhaha somewhere around the metro for this hot flick and I am dying to come (no pun intended)! I’m counting the days! And yes, each sentence should end with an exclamation point!

Ugh. Please.

Gawd, I miss writing entries from the office. The corporate Nazis have had their panties up in a bunch lately so they’ve been keeping an eye on everybody very closely. My supervisor alone has been paranoid like there’s an impending war or something. Bad vibes. Now I understand his concerns but Jezus Christ somebody needs to take a chill pill.

I swear to god I am dying to get out of this company. As soon as I get a considerably good deal in another line of work (something I actually like), I’ll be scramming out of here like my bum was on fire. I intend to go home to the provs first though before diving into my new career. Shit I just jinxed that.

Again, I need a break, yeah and a serious relationship too. You see I actually just realized that my love/sex/dating life, as I have observed, is directly proportional to my career. What I have now is something I settle for, for the meantime until the right one comes along. Until my big break is around, these are the things I have to suck in (no pun intended) for now while trying to survive. The thing is what if that time never comes? What if this big break (whether for my career or romance) doesn’t exist at all? What if I am destined to be an underpaid, overworked (?), sleep-deprived, socially challenged single guy who occasionally sleeps around and will never have a serious romantic partner?!

OMFG.

Well, it’s simple actually. That just basically means I’m doomed, fucked (in a bad way), in deep shit and might as well just give it up and slit my wrist.

Hmm… I should write these entries more often when I’m not so pessimistic, just like now. I’m serious, this is about as positive as I can get.

Surprise Surprise

Well, what do you know. Exactly a week ago, as detailed in my last post, I went out with my good friend and had a chanced meeting with an accidental date. We had a good time, had a few drinks, and canoodled at the back of a cab (with my sorta-kinda-date-but-not-really not with my friend, eww).

Anyway, we kept in touch for a while the past week and intended to meet up again. Ugh. I don't even want to get into the nonsensical details. To cut to the chase, I got too excited again, expected too much and shit. Although, to be honest, I think I played my cards well enough so I don't really beat myself up about it. Hello, we didn't sleep together the first time we met. We just kissed and groped. We were holding back you know.

Now it's obviously not going anywhere else though. So before I do something more stupid and go on a bored-text romp, I deleted his number from my phone after 2 days of not hearing from him. Erased, gone, zero, bye.

Gawd, I am so pissed. I had imagined I would be on a second date tonight. I can't believe I actually entertained the thought that this is the serious relationship I've been waiting for. Jeez. Oh well, I still had a great time last week, nothing changes that.

Moving on. Next please.

Spicy Fingers

Hi, just woke up here. Last night, or this morning rather, was zo much fun. Another good friend and I went to Greenbelt and somewhere else.

Of course I had to pick out her out fit because bitch initially wanted to wear this psychedelic empire cut top with polka-dot shoes and a granny bag. WTF?!

Anyway, Cassy and I hit up Spicy Fingers at Greenbelt 2 because she wanted a bar with a band. She's a bit of a singer who also used to be the front bitch of a band in our hometown you see. The place, I believe, is relatively new and it was fun enough for a Sunday. The band was also very entertaining and good-looking.
I sent a message to three people asking if they were around the area and well what do you know, one of them was about to go to Greenbelt 3.

To the cut the story short, we met up and he joined us. It was great having some sort of a casual date with someone you've met for the first time together with a long-time buddy. At about 3 AM, we decided to go somewhere. We just dropped off my sort-of-but-not-really date at his office and Cassy and I went our way to Malate to check out this place. Thank god Cassy took the front seat of the cab, otherwise my sort-of-but-not-really date didn't get a chance to have our "moment" at the backseat. Now that's what I call a good friend.

So we went to this bar... oh fuck it, it's Che Lu (?), not really sure, it's my first time to be in a bar full of guys who hit on other guys. I was like a virgin if you want to put it like that. It was ok, nobody got oral services at the comfort room or anything like that. Cassy said a lot of the guys there were checking me out but I'm not sure I believe her. She probably was just being a good friend. Whatev.

At 4:30 AM, we decided to call it a night. We grabbed some burgers and went to my place. She had to leave very early since she has a flight to catch this morning. Bitch is going home and I am sooo jealous much. I want to go home too and take a break. Jeez.

I wonder if that date will lead to something else. Well, I'm sure it could've led to something indeed if we were alone but I don't want to take that direction anymore. Oh well, let's see.

Here's Cassy and I being fat and half drunk. Good times.

Down, down, down, down...

I am so fucking down right. now I'm so down not even a new episode of ANTM or a hook-up can lift me up. Seriously, there's so much negative energy in me I can barely handle it.

Work is beyond awful, I have a non-existent love life and I can't even go shopping for some retail therapy or have time to meet up with friends again and bond. The first two reasons are the major facts that bother me the most though. I desperately need a new job and get myself in a serious relationship. I have stayed in this damn company longer than planned and I've been single for the longest time. It's about time, really.

I badly need a vacation. I want a new job and go on vacation alone.

Boracay, words cannot express how much I long for you.

Sigh.

Breaking News: Work Sucks

Here it is again. It's one of those days, no, weeks, when I'm just dragging myself to the office just so I can say that i'm actually doing something with my life, and of course so I don't get any deductions from my meager salary. I hate it.

I believe I'm a very passionate person. I also happen to believe that I am too creative for this line of work. It just doesn't do so much for me except pay the rent. I want to be able to make use of my talent or skills and do what I actually want to do. Hell, if it wasn't for the roof above my head, the food that I eat and the clothes on my back, I'd be volunteering somewhere, then dancing and going to the gym everyday, and focus on freelance journalism, and maybe get involved, in one way or another, in the fashion industry or something. I want to be able to cultivate my skills and work on what I have--self-improvement basically.

I hate work right now because in the first place, I didn't really intend to last this long in the company. I also do not very much agree with the way management has been handling everything. I think they put on too much pressure on us agents. It's exhausting. On the other hand, maybe it's just me. It is very hard when you're forced to do something when you'd rather do something else. Nonetheless, work sucks, I hate it. I want to get out. Period.

Don't get me wrong though. I have been looking for another job. No luck so far though. Ugh.

Gawd, I'd kill to be in advertising, public relations or lifestyle journalism right now.

Zoo Holiday

Last Monday was so much fun. It was a holiday so my sister and I visited our cousins and Aunt who is actually going through a rough time. God bless her.

We went to Harrison Plaza , the first ever mall in the Philippines, which is a stone's throw away from where I live, for some work my Aunt needed to be done. It was taking her a long time to finish her business so my cousins and I decided to visit Manila Zoo which is just a short stroll from the mall.

The zoo itself is nothing really spectacular. Sure, we had a few laughs over the deers humping each other and some of the animals were quite fascinating. (Like the zebra that would make such a nice rug, the same with the cute tiger hiding in the man-made cave. The elephant stunk but still cute. Although I feel really sorry for the poor thing. The deers would have been boring but they were copulating in front of everybody so that was entertaining, while the crocs are scary and would be nice accessories.) But the ultimate, ultimate experience occurred when we were about to get out of the place.

When I realized what this huddle of people was all about, I was like, "Oh shit, that snake is fucking humongous and it's all out in the open for paid photo ops!" Talk about saying, or rather thinking, the obvious.

So yeah, we were just gawking at these people who were having their pictures taken while a gigantic live python is wrapped around their bodies and then it's like suddenly, all four of us had this common thought bubble above our heads and we went for the kill.

For a P100, we had a short pictorial with not one but two pythons--one of them was the smaller yellow albino kind. I was really scared at first but it all went fine. Nobody got bit or got constricted by the reptiles or anything like that. My sister did get into a bitch fight with some random woman though while waiting for the photos. Hah! Love that.

I know it's so freaking anti-climactic that I'm raving about it but I actually don't have the picture of us with the snakes but you see we don't have a soft copy of it. But I'll post it as soon we scan the precious thing.

We then went back to Harrison, laughed, walked, ate, yaddi yadda, yadda, and basically just had a good time. I loved it. It was such a fun day. Although, my Aunt didn't go with us to the zoo, I'm pretty sure she also enjoyed the day. It was nice we all took time and bonded together and had a blast.

Gawd I love holidays.

Songs In My Player: Pop

On the bus, in the shower, on the bed, in the elevator, on repeat.

• Mercy by Duffy – I never really paid attention to her music video until a couple of days ago and I’m glad I did. I’m also not sure where this artist came from but that doesn’t really matter since I love this song anyway. This woman is like a pitchy (in a good way) Amy Winehouse and I realized the other day when I was in a bus that the song is reminiscent of Rehab.

• Rock With U by Janet Jackson – This is the follow-up hit to Janet’s first single Feedback off of her latest album Discipline. I love Feedback and this one is not bad either, not at all. The smooth, mid-tempo song is delicious and the video couldn’t be any better-the dancing is ridiculous. It’s hot.

• I’m Yours by Jason Mraz – Now this is a song you’d like to hear in the morning, not too cheesy but full of life. I’m not sure if it’s a ukalele that was used as an instrument but this song is a love affair set in the beach. I admire Jason Mraz, I think he’s a true artist what with the delightful, unique music he branded as his own, with the fast singing (not rapping), he surely is a rare talent.

• Flashing Lights by Kanye West – The video is sick, I fucking love it even though that Rita G.’s belly is quite distracting. It’s gangstalicious.

• Wow, Speakerphone, In My Arms by Kylie Minogue – This fantastic Aussie woman doesn’t stop. X is indeed a promising comeback album. So far, Speakerphone is the strongest song I’ve heard from her latest installment followed by In My Arms and Wow respectively. Kylie does pop exquisitely and effortlessly just like the way she rocked those fuck-me hot pants in Spinning Around.

• Do It by Bridget Kelly – For some weird reason, the beat of this song is reminiscent of the hits of the 80’s. Nonetheless, Do It is definitely a likeable track, it’s like a threesome of club, electronica ang hiphop, a killer combination.

• Dance Like There’s No Tomorrow by Randy Jackson featuring Paula Abdul – I’m guilty. It’s a hot mess in a not-so-bad way despite the fact that Paula’s voice was digitally altered beyond recognition.

• See You Again by Miley Cyrus – Again, I’m guilty. Perez is right though, the song is totally inspired by “I Wear My Sunglasses at Night”.

• Sexual Eruption by Snoop Dogg featuring Robyn - This is quite an unlikely collaboration but it works for me. Robyn, with her exquisite musical prowess, gives the Dogg's single a clubby vibe. It's like danceable rap or something, it's really interesting and nothing typical.

• Technologic by Daft Punk - I believe this is an old song already but I like it--very catchy and fun. The title says it all, it's a techy's audio aphrodisiac.