Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Dante's Inferno

Here's one of my funniest chat sessions with a good friend over YM. Let's call the bitch Rix. I almost peed my pants a couple of times.

RIX: hey, if u got time... check out Google, then take the Dante Inferno test. the result will let u know which part of hell you will go to when u die.
ME: ok.

RIX: it's fun.. know what.. there was this question: do u plan/ have you ever had sex before marriage? and this: have you ever performed oral sex?
RIX: my mom shood me away when she answered! hahaha
ME: hahahahah
RIX: hhhhmmm.... now i know where i inherited my "naughty librarian" aura...
RIX: hahaha

(a couple of minutes later...)

ME: im gonna be on the seventh level
RIX: hahaha! really?
ME: oh well. i loVe it on the top
ME: love love
ME: hahahahah
RIX: ya know, i was "very high" with lust and gluttony...
RIX: ohmigod.. that website knows me! hahaha
ME: im just "high" on those things
ME: it's my violence that's overwhelming
RIX: oh.. well, that makes me a pervert.
ME: hahahahah
ME: i agree
RIX: really??! violence where? in bed?
ME: well at least you're honest
ME: you're an honest pervert
RIX: that, hunny.. is flattering.
ME: violence and wrath actually. and im also gloomy
RIX: oooohhh..
ME: gawd. i hope there's Topman in hell
RIX: me, i got "low", and "very low" with depression and anxiety questions.. i'm not unhappy! im bad in a different area..
RIX: u hope there's topman in hell? why? u wanna be bottom when u reach satan's den? maybe bcoz u were a topman while still living?
ME: well, i'm a bit of a masochist sometimes.
ME: gaga! I mean Topman the shop.
ME: i wanna at least shop while burning
RIX: aysorry.. sorry... see!!!! my being a lusty of a person is getting obvious!
RIX: oh ok.. shop.. did you see the descriptions of each level? read! read! i don't think you can shop in those conditions.

RIX: i forgot my level.. i forgot my level. it's hard to pronounce. i think it starts with M.
ME: well, apparently, my body will be hung in some sort of tree
RIX: hahahaha!
ME: and i will be blasted with scorching sand in the nude!
RIX: im imagining you.. im imagining...
ME: ill also be swimming in boiling blood
RIX: hahaha! this is interestingly hilarious.. im picturing u out in the nude
RIX: ooohhh... stop me.. im picturing u out in the nude..
ME: that's unstoppable
ME: you can't help it
ME: i know
RIX: pls go back to ur body being punished...
ME: centaurs will shoot me with an arrow if i try to escape
ME: and one of them will fall in love with me
RIX: hahaha! this is so Moses Time...
ME: and one of them will fall in love with me
ME: but i turned him down because
RIX: fall in love? are u sure ur reading the txt?
ME: but i turned him down because
ME: he doesn't have a cock
RIX: because..?
ME: he doesn't have a cock
RIX: doesn't have a cock ?! why ? that is capital punshment
ME: oh yeah. centaurs have cocks. no, i turned him down coz
ME: all we'll be doing is doggie
RIX: if he's an angel, then he/she doesn't have a sex organ.. so better pray to be in hell.
RIX: hahaha! doggie... you being the what?
ME: really?
RIX: the dog? arf! arf!
ME: then how the hell do they get in heaven?
RIX: i dont know because maybe they never had sex??!
ME: heaven isn't so heavenly after all
ME: hahahah
RIX: i just read it somewhere that angels cannot be classified to being male or female.. they are divine beings created by God. they are not humans.
ME: oh i see. well, they better offer something else as great as an orgasm or else i'm reserving my own space in hell pronto!
RIX: hahaha!
RIX: well, you have the garden of Eden... filled with fruits and vegetables, and flowers, and animals...
ME: eden can have her garden
ME: thank you very much
ME: i still prefer blowjobs
ME: hahahahahah
RIX: and happiness, and love, and contentmant, and kindness..
ME: right.
RIX: hahaha!
ME: jeez.... and to think
ME: it's my first time in 3 months to go to church today
RIX: and nude people... since you are not "ashamed", you are nude in Eden..
RIX: its like a Nudist beach filled with happy and kind people who dont judge you based on ur bilbil or flabby arms, and huge thighs...
ME: they don't judge because they're not having sex with you
ME: that's why
obsequio_rica: ok.. lets finish this question: If i am in the garden of eden, I would do this:
ME: answer these first: are there cute guys at the garden of eden? is the gardener jesse metcalfe of desperate housewives?
ME: answer these first: are there cute guys at the garden of eden? is the gardener jesse metcalfe of desperate housewives?
RIX: there's no gardener! you're all put there together to enjoy the grass that doesnt need to be mowed, the animals that dont need taming, and the flowers that dont need nurturing.. because everything is perfect.

ME: fine
RIX: hhhmmm... i dont know if you'll see that jesse dude. he may be stuck in purgatory
ME: i think i'm gonna arrange for a pictorial in the nude since everything is P-E-R-F-E-C-T
RIX: hahaha! and where the hell would u get a camera? cameras are so... so.. Earthy
RIX: yeah. everything is perfect.. including the luke jickain body that you would magically have..
ME: i'll just pose my ass off and bask in the glory of my perfect, flawless presence instead.
RIX: guess what i'll do when im in heaven..
RIX: hahaha!
ME: what?
ME: uh-oh. what?
ME: i'll request for a lot of mirrors too by the way
RIX: i will ride a lion, a camel (cancel that, camels may ruin my perfect-ness image!) a white unicorn (wtf), or a giraffe while trying to get an apple from a tree...
ME: hahahahahah
ME: what the hell?!!!
ME: you'll scratch your vagina
RIX: remember.. im in the nude! hahaha ooohh...now there goes orgasm while the animal is walking or running! hahaha!
ME: eew.
ME: ticks.
ME: you'll scratch your vagina
RIX: im making my own little hell..! hahaha!
ME: you'll scratch your vagina
ME: you'll scratch your vagina
ME: you'll scratch your vagina
ME: you'll scratch your vagina
ME: you'll scratch your vagina
ME: you like that don't you?!!!!!
ME: ohmigod beastiality
RIX: hahahah!
RIX: im laughing right no - literally
ME: me too. hahahahah

I love that conversation.

Check out this link to know what the hell we are talking about.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

"I will burn in hell for being implusive."

My throat still hurts. Gawd, this has been going on for 8 days now! I swear to god I'm being punished for having sex with strangers. Although there has been some improvements, I can't say I'm really perfectly well now. Oh who am I kidding, I never am.

Anyway, yesterday, I thought I've had enough. I've lost enough time already. I mean, gawd, I've missed three days of work already, a facial and a shopping spree. So I decided to get out of this hole one scorching Friday afternoon to pay the bills, pick up a webcam and maybe look around the mall for "targets". Two hours later, I'm hyperventilating at People R People because of these lovely shoes. They're like half espradilles, half something. I loved them. I was *this close to a very impulsive buy when I realized they're not really all that. Then I went to Topman and I knew right then and there shopping will be the main reason why I'll end up in a curb one day with nothing to eat and only have my wardrobe with me. Thank goodness I managed to restrain myself and only bought this pair of super cool glasses. I love, love 'em.

To make it short, I did buy a webcam although it was way out of my budget plus I bought these shades simply because I thought they look great on me and they came knock knock knockin' on my shallow heart's door.

So, with me back to being broke and clearly realizing that I have sinned, I went straight to the church, which is the first time in months by the way. Yes, I prayed and I prayed for more shopping in the future. I'm kidding. Hahahahah... I clearly had to cleanse my soul so there.

After church, I went to another mall to pay the bills and picked up some groceries. Then I went straight back to the condo and took photos of myself with my new sunnies. It was a productive day.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Urban Domestication

Greetings from the veranda/balcony on the 26th floor. I've beena domesticat for so long now all I do is watch Desperate Housewives on DVD, check my email every 10 minutes, eat, sleep and take drugs. I've said this one and I'm going to say it again, I feel like a walking pharmacy with all the medication I'm taking for my tonsilitis/paryngitis, which by the way is still not healed. And believe me, I'm starting to think I'm going to have a swelling throat for the rest of my fucking life.

Anyway, blogging from the veranda of this building with only my boxers and undershirt on, overlooking a view of the city; how urban ghetto is that? I love it. I wish I was paid to do something like this.

Although I'm enjoying the lounging and eating and napping, I'm feeling kind of useless. This is very unproductive. I mean, how can I stay here doing nothing when there are bills to paid and errands to attend to, not to mention, work to be done at the office?! Well, it's my rest day actually but I already missed two days (or nights) of work and I'm pretty sure the current amount on my next next paycheck is pathetic


About 2 AM
September 5, 2007

I'm back in the office. I have another 2 hrs of voice rest as prescribed by the company nurse. I feel like I have tacks stuck in my throat right now. I swear to god I'm considering having my tonsils removed. This has been going on for 4 days now and I'm practically a walking pharmacy. The fever is almost gone so I dragged my ass to work eventhough my throat hurts like hell. I've been to the clinic countless times and have visited the emergency room twice because of the same issue but I'm still not well. I am so sick of being sick. Seriously. That's why I've decided to postpone my birthday. I will truly, truly celebrate some other time when I'm well and when I have enough cash at my disposal. I've already missed 22 hours of work and my teammates are starting to treat me like a stranger. First, it was tonsilitis, then tonsilitis with fever, then pharyngitis! WTF?! I want to slit my throat and pull out my tonsils/pharynx/larynx whatever it is that's causing me this much hell. So what's up?

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Sick Birthday

Yup, I made it to my 21st birthday. Well, barely. Jusus mother of gawd, I've been sick for 4 straight days now. I was literally hot during my birthday and my throat/tonsils have been killing. I swear to god I want to get theses nasty useless crap taken out of my system. What do you call that operation and how much does that cost again?

Anyway, I celebrated at my Aunt's house and she's been lovely. My cousins were great too. It's just so horrible how I spent my birthday at the emergency room of this crappy hospital near my Aunt's place.

Because of this friggin' sickness, I had to miss work for two days! Ugh. Honestly, this is just too much. I got my parents worried sick about me at home and my paycheck for this month is stil empty. What a way to welcome 21. I'm soooo sick of being sick, seriously.

I didn't even get to eat my chocolate cake as much as I wanted to! And oh, because I brought limited supply of clothes at my Aunt's, I had to wear Von Dutch on my birthday! Yes! Von Dutch in 2007! WTF?!