Decisions Decisions

To fuck or not to fuck? That was the question.

As I was having my 3 PM lunch right after I hit the gym today, I received a text message from this guy I met in Boracay during my vacation. Well, we just exchanged messages, smiled and nodded at each other so I don't know if you can call that meeting up.

Anyway, he's in town and he wanted to meet up. His name's Rob and he owns a small restaurant in the island which also has a branch here in Manila.

Rob asked what I was up to. I told him I'm going to MOA just to look around and maybe do the groceries. Then the conversation went on...

Rob: Why don't you come to my condo in Makati instead?
Me: Are you trying to have sex with me?
Rob: Yeah, hope it's working.
Rob: Ooh, was that a bad reply?
Me: Well, I'm not sure.

Normally, I'd jump right in since he's pretty cute and I really had nothing important to do but take care of the bills. But the thing is, I have been seeing someone, aka M, for a month now. I didn't talk so much about it here because I was not sure where it's heading. Frankly, I still have no idea what will come of it.

M and I have been dating, cavorting and what not but we haven't really talked about our relationship, if ever there is one. He had made it clear though he's okay with me having sex with other people.

So what's the problem you ask? Well, I don't feel comfortable with the set-up which is why I sent a text message to M (who is currently on a wake boarding trip to Bicol) telling him about Rob.

Rob told me sex was not mandatory and I can always leave just as long as we meet up so I told him I'll drop by. M on other hand, was not responding and I figured he was still on the road because I couldn't contact him. I was determined not to give in until...

M: It's up to you. No problem with me. Tell me about it ha.

After receiving that message, I felt weak and down. So by the time I met up with Rob, I had let go of myself and put my guards down. I could have refused, but I didn't. Had M shown though the slightest signs that he didn't want me to do it, I wouldn't have met up with Rob at all. But it seemed he couldn't care less and that upsets me.

Now, I wonder if M was just testing me or something. Nonetheless, Rob was great while we were both high with libido. But once we got over it, it was just another meaningless romp.

After my early evening delight, I had my walk of shame to Greenbelt. I thought about what had happened over a caramel frappe and a cinnamon swirl while text messaging my good friend H non-stop.

I also told M about what I have done and he seems to remain fine with it. But I'm not. Am I just some guy he hangs out with and nothing more? Are we just friends with benefits? I hope not because I have enough of those. We really need to have "the talk" when he gets back. Until then, I have no idea what we are or if there's a "we" at all.